Good Coffee and a Muffin

I'm sitting here in Carla's kitchen enjoying a cup of freshly brewed Tim Hortons fine ground coffee (in the red can). I brewed up a pot to go with Gina's freshly baked blueberry muffins, as soon as I got back from the downtown where I had an appointment with Diane; she's advising me on Nova Scotia's immigration process. I'm still on the fence about this, but I do want to keep in touch with her if I ever decide to start the process. Time will tell.

I just got off the phone with Carla. She was on a train headed for Boston when I called. She's hosted close to a dozen CouchSurfers and has decided to experience surfing from the other side of the couch for a few days. She's coming back on the Cat on Sunday. It's weird having her there, while I'm up here. It's just feels backwards. I probably would have gone with her if I'd had the cash at my disposal, but I'm also needed here, what with helping out at the market and with projects that need to be done around the house, not to mention my other social obligations with the girls here in Yarmouth. Life would be so much easier if there was more than one of me. Oh, well.

I got a comment on yesterday's post from my friend Taryn suggesting that I had "set forth the premise to a great story, then left out the story part". She's right, I have been dancing around certain real life issues in my posts. If I were writing my thought in a journal for my own use, I'd be telling a much more specific and cohesive story of my life on the road. When it's just me that I'm writing about, I have only to ask myself where the boundaries lie with respect to what I'm willing to share, and what I choose to keep hidden. When I'm narrating my experiences with other people, I can only suppose where those boundaries might exist for them. The thoughts flow, along with the willingness to share, but often times I'm cut short by my need to respect the privacy of the one's who've entrusted me with their secrets. In dancing around this obstacle, I sometimes find even myself confused and my message convoluted. It only really makes sense if I disclose that .........(fill in the blank). You see my dilemma? Often times in business, two sets of books are kept, one for the taxman and one that more accurately reflects the true state of affairs. I need to start keeping a second set of books. One where I can continue to share my thoughts with anyone interested in looking on, and the other to chronicle the keys that will unlock the true meaning behind some of my ramblings. I have decided to be more forthcoming when writing the shared portion of my experiences. So often I find myself wanting to spin a certain thought or event in such a way so as not to reflect poorly on myself, however that may be. I catch myself thinking "don't got there, you're going to look like a fruit loop". That's often how I conduct the "live" portion of my life, so careful and concerned about how other's might perceive me, that I overly regulate myself and just end up feeling generally uncomfortable, often worried about things that are not actually occurring, but just might be. The therapist of an old friend once referred to me as being "tightly wrapped", she was right. On the other hand, being here in Nova Scotia has instilled in me a strong sense of being loved and accepted in a way that I can't say I've ever experienced before. I do know that I'm loved and accepted by my friends and family, that's a given, but the feeling of self worth that I've gained here, just being Bob, has resulted in a feeling of empowerment and value. Here I feel special, at so many other times in my life I've felt "special" too, but the quotes are the key - they make all the difference. There is a simplicity to life up here that seems to recognize the value in and of a person, that is independent of title or prestige or worldly possessions. I haven't quite nailed it down, but it exists. It also occurs to me that my experience here may be somehow artificial because of the notoriety I've received as a result of this trip and what happened to me in Amherst. I have to wonder when I'm having a conversation with a young woman, for example, who knows my story and has read my thoughts here on the blog, when she's staring at me with an adoring look in her eyes. Is she's turned on by the notoriety, or is it the thoughts and ideas that I've expressed on the blog that give her that look? Or maybe she just thinks I'm hot. I don't actually think it matters, but it would be nice to know, eh? (See how I said I was going to be more frank? BTW, those of you looking for a simple happy travel blog, should just look away). The other aspect of all this that my be "not real" is that I've been living here in Yarmouth without all of the usual "life stuff" that people have to face. I guess in a way, I do have had some real life stuff, since I have been "volunteering" at a local market and doing a bunch of work around the house. I generally conduct a fairly simple life anyway, even when I'm on my own, so maybe that's not such a big issue for me, afterall. I still think about it though.

So what's the point? More honesty, keep another journal for myself in case I ever decide to squeeze a book out of my lucky adventure, and have another cup of coffee. It's still hot.

Cheers!

~B